Now that I'm back at work, I wondered how different the baby process would be if the Washington Post tried it. Instead of it lasting 9 months with regular milestones, I think it would go something like this:
Fall 2005
An employee drafts a memo on the benefits of a new baby. It is ignored.
Summer 2006
The NY Times catches the Post off guard by launching a baby that is a big hit with readers. The Post frantically throws together a team to figure out how to create one asap.
Fall 2006
After 3 months of requirements gathering and usability studies, the Post figures out what the baby should do. The project is put on hold until a project manager is available.
Winter 2006
A project manager becomes available but the project is put on hold until Tech resources are available.
Spring 2007
The NY Times enhances its baby by adding innovative features like talking, crawling, and laughing. The Post realizes their baby won't have those features and decides it won't be worth launching unless it can do everything the Times baby can do.
Late Spring 2007
After another month of requirements gathering, the Post revises their requirements document to include all the capabilities the NY Times baby has.
Summer 2007
A Tech resource becomes available and reports that it's not possible for a new baby to start talking, crawling, and laughing right away. The Post initially thinks Tech doesn't know what they are talking about and responds to every point by saying "If the Times did it, why can't we?" After several tense/ridiculous meetings, the Post decides to revisit the requirements and prioritize them.
Fall 2007
The NY Times baby starts walking.
Late Fall 2007
The Post prioritizes their requirements and decides that walking, talking, and laughing are absolutely necessary at launch in order to compete with the Times. Tech laughs and then sobs when they realize the Post is serious.
Winter 2007
Tech announces that the only way to meet the requirements is to adopt a 1 year old baby. The Post calls Accenture.
Spring 2008
Accenture declares they can produce a baby in 6 months that does everything the NY Times' baby can currently do. The price is kept completely confidential but it's rumored to cost an arm and a leg.
Spring-Fall 2008
The 9th floor is overrun with consultants who look very busy. They print huge documents and have lots of important-looking meetings. The Post is impressed because the look like they know what they're doing.
Fall 2008
Accenture announces that factors outside of its control will delay the launch of the baby by 3 months.
Late Fall 2008
The NY Times baby learns how to dress itself.
Winter 2008
The Post announces that it has determined that it is best to delay the launch until Spring because of "market conditions".
Early Spring 2009
The NY Times baby learns to read.
Late Spring 2009
Accenture delivers a beta baby for testing. It meets all of the Post requirements except for two -- it has plastic skin and runs on batteries. It is determined that these are low priorities and acceptable to not meet them for launch. But if it's possible to add these later, that would be good.
Early Summer 2009
The NY Times baby starts pre-school.
Summer 2009
The Post baby launches! It can crawl and talk but can't learn new features without a major upgrade. Maintenance is also an issue because it takes a team of developers to keep it working and requires frequent reboots.
Winter 2010
The NY Times baby is potty-trained.
Late Winter 2010
Users grow tired of the Post baby because it never does anything new. It is quietly pulled off the site for retooling. The Post blames Tech for not delivering something the users want.
Spring 2010
The Post spends the next month revamping the requirements in order to compete with the NY Times baby. A vendor is identified who promises to deliver a 4 year old baby. The price tag is enormous because they must outbid Angelina Jolie for it. Meanwhile, the NY Times baby learns to ride a bike.
Late Spring 2010
The NY Times launches an exciting new feature -- a sibling!
Summer 2010
The Post decides to get a dog instead.
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